Tribes and Avocados

I had a moment this morning while sitting in my hammock drinking a hot cup of coffee. It was a crisp, clear morning. The sun shone soft and deep; things in life weren’t perfect, but the moment was as close to perfect as it could be. And all at once, without warning or forethought, I started to cry. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I couldn’t contain them. But they were happy. They were so so happy, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember the last time I cried so effortlessly in the face of pure joy. It seemed strange given the circumstances. But I felt so connected to everything; like every moment ever before in the history of everything carried me perfectly to that moment right there. I was so overcome with emotion, overwhelmed with gratitude to the Universe in a way that I’ve seldom (if ever) felt before.

And I knew… I just knew that everything was exactly how it was meant to be. Despite the circumstances — the quarantine, the unknown, the hope that things will get better and normal again eventually — it was perfect.

Ah, social distancing. I never thought I’d live to see the era of such bliss.

I hope you are staying healthy, dear reader, and making the most out of any quarantine or social distancing you’re currently undergoing. This virus is affecting a lot of people, and a lot of the systems we’ve become so used to operating in. It isn’t easy for everyone; lots of people are losing income, and are ill-prepared to be even temporarily unemployed. I hope if you and you’re family are affected, you can recover quickly when we all come out on the other side of this chaos.

I would like, however, to take the opportunity to discuss some positive contemplations.

Personally, this time of quarantine has given me the opportunity to slow down and reflect on a lot of things I’ve avoided facing. It’s given me the time to reconnect with myself, find the ducks that have flown away from their row, and think about life and all its treasures.

This morning, I thought about how there are so many things we take for granted. There are so many moments and people and treasures that we don’t take the time to really appreciate as we go along in life. It usually isn’t until we look back on something, or its forcibly taken away, that we realize how lucky we were to have it.

When I was in film school, my friends were some of the quirkiest, most creative and wonderful people I’ve ever come to know in my life. A few years ago, after I joined the Army and was stationed in Korea, they sent me a box of Christmas gifts. Everything inside was a perfect reflection of how they knew me, namely my love for avocados (I’d regularly just eat an avocado with salt as a snack when I was around them). One of these gifts was a green journal, gifted to me for both my love of new journals and because it’s avocado-colored. Inside, each of my friends wrote me a note, along with various and random doodles. I finally took it off the shelf a couple of weeks ago to use, and have since been pleasantly surprised every few days when I turn a new page and find a new note to read.

Through all the time that has passed since our time together at film school, and even since I first got this journal, they are and will always be my tribe. The bonds we once formed have transcended time and space, and even now I feel so loved rereading the notes they wrote me three christmases ago.

And in thinking about them and that tribe, I think about all the other people and tribes that I’ve had in my life. Each of them gifted to me in different times and places, that made everywhere I went a home away from home.

I think about the friends I had in Korea, and all the memories we made together. The crazy nights in Seoul, the countless hours spent eating barbecue at our favorite restaurants, the laughter and the love we shared while trying to navigate life in a foreign country.

I think about the people I’ve worked with since being at 10th Group, and all the work chaos we’ve endured and learned from. A work family is a special kind of family, and I’m so grateful for mine. They’ve given me a lot of opportunity to grow as a soldier, a journalist, and a person, and it is because of them that I always try my best.

I think about the friends I made in Afghanistan, and the little tribe I had that kept me afloat in a very stressful time. They kept me strong in the face of the unknown. When we came home, we all went our separate ways to continue the lives we had before deployment, but I know they’re still right by my side and would come running at the sound of my call.

I think about all the winter training I’ve done the last two seasons, and the guys that came to be like older brothers to me. I just finished the last iteration of winter training that I will probably ever do in the Army. Everything that I’ve done with them has shaped a lot of me, and has given me a lot to hold on to. Although I was sad to see it end, I felt so grateful for the experiences I had and the friendships I made.

With every new place and experience, it has always been the people that make it meaningful. I’ve been really far away from home, faced stressful situations and navigated foreign lands while juggling the natural stressors of living any ordinary life, but I’ve never been alone. Every tribe that I’ve been a part of has shaped me into exactly who I am, and who I’m supposed to be.

Unfortunately, an inevitable and unchangeable fact of life is that tribes change. People come and go. This can really suck, because there are certain goodbyes you really wish you didn’t have to say.

But you will never say goodbye to yourself. You are your own constant, ever-present tribe. Amidst these new isolating circumstances in response to the virus, I’m learning how to really embrace that fact. I’m quite literally being forced to, actually. But perhaps this is the silver lining.

Though the world may be in chaos, and things yet to come are still unknown, I hope you can find peace in certain things. There is much we have to be grateful for, even if they seem trivial against the backdrop of struggle and turmoil.

I am thankful for every tribe that has ever been a part of my life for shaping me into who I am. I am thankful for every person that has ever made me laugh or cry, every moment that has built me up or knocked me down, every place that has been a home away from home, and every experience I’ve had for bringing me to today.

My advice to you is to embrace the tribes in your life, for they give you things nobody and nothing else can. Embrace where you are right now, because you won’t always be there. Embrace yourself, and find comfort knowing that even when you’re alone, you are still immutably connected to everything else.

Know that should you ever sound your battles cries and war drums, your tribe will come, and learn how to listen for the sound yourself.

You’ll already be there.