The Light of a Nameless Truth
It is difficult to write about something that goes beyond language, even if that something is the essence and epicenter of everything everywhere. I refer to the Ineffable, the Nameless, and the Silent, and also the Eternal, the One, the All, the Spirit, the Source, and any other meaningful word one might use to name it. It is the Truth of Reality, the Truth of Existence, and the Truth of the Universe; the unchangeable, unbreakable, universal Law that both creates and propels everything’s existence. It goes beyond language because any language used to describe it neither determines nor changes what it is. Gravity, for example, is a word we use to describe a particular force; one that we didn’t even think about until a few centuries ago with the work of Isaac Newton. Naming it and giving it a study and an office in a university neither determined nor shaped the force of gravity itself. It was, is, and would always be the force that makes everything move and keeps everything connected. Its truth is unchanged by any use of language. Similarly, the Truth of God is unchanged by any use of language, and it is for this reason that the spiritual path is one that is found and walked by looking within ourselves. The relationship we have with our understanding of this Truth correlates directly to our personal peace and emotional prosperity, and to our ability to foster these things in the external dimensions of our lives. When we live from this place, we give to the world our compassion, love, grace, forgiveness and other gifts which promote the harmonious good of and for all people. Not only are these the virtues of God’s Kingdom of Heaven, but they are parts within the process of creating Heaven here and now on this current plane of existence that we all share.
It is in this way that I have personally come to understand God, and the vision of God’s Kingdom.
I did not get to know God through a particular religious path. I didn’t grow up reading any certain holy text, I wasn’t raised by way of attending church, and I didn’t grow within any kind of religiously led and bound community. My parents gave me the space to explore my most philosophical of curiosities, which from an early age I leaned into by way of books and thought-provoking conversations with adults. I do believe it’s this aspect of my journey that led me to the kind of ultimate faith and liberation that I’ve since come to know in my life, but it is also how I’ve come to know the invaluable wisdom found in all religions and philosophies from the many prophets and sages that have existed throughout time and history. My journey has been one of delicious vibrancy and compelling existential curiosity, and today drives my intentions for my life and my future.
My journey really began when I started studying philosophy. I listened to all kinds of lectures and started reading all kinds of books. For a year in between the ages of nineteen and twenty, I lived in South Korea. It was easy to turn to the study of Eastern philosophy as a way of engaging with many of my questions. I found certain takes on reality and existence from the Hindus, Buddhists, and Taoists, among others, to be intriguing, and resonating in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I particularly gravitated toward Alan Watts, and his work on Vedic and Buddhist philosophy. It was within the following year that I decided to study philosophy as a way of finishing my college degree; perhaps I would go on to get a PhD and work as a professor one day.
I didn’t understand it for quite some years after that, but what I was really searching for was the Truth — the Truth of Reality, the Truth of Existence, the Truth of God. I went through some hard life experiences. I served as a Public Affairs Specialist in the U.S. Army, and after my tour of duty in South Korea, I worked in the Public Affairs Office of a Special Operations unit. I deployed to Afghanistan, and completed several combat missions with multiple Special Forces teams. I saw first hand the destruction and devastation of war, and its influence across the many dimensions of human life for the many people connected to and affected by it. It was a dynamic experience that for many reasons was both striking in its eye-opening ventures and difficult to endure. It took years of synthesis to start to feel like my old self again. For a long time after that deployment, I was angry at everything; the world, the government, humanity, myself, God. What kind of God would let such cruelties befall humanity as they did and do? Where was God in all of this suffering?
Through the following years of a pandemic, social unrest, and political insanity, I completed my time in service and was honorably discharged, left to figure out what was next for me and my life. How was I going to use the experiences I had? How could they be meaningful beyond myself? I finished my degree in philosophy as the world dissolved into further chaos — chaos I knew would largely go unseen and misunderstood by the American people, despite their inevitable connection to it by way of their tax dollars and votes. I had the uneasy feeling that academic philosophy was not the place I was meant to end up, because I saw how easily ideas got trapped in the bubble of esotericism and tenure-wagging. The point of philosophy is to use it; to apply it in practical ways to make life better. What else is the point of having thoughts?
It was during this time, over the holidays at the end of 2021 to be precise, that I had a profound spiritual experience on the island of Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands. It was Christmas Day, and my best friend and I spent all day at the beach, soaking up the sun and swimming until our skin was raw from the salt and the sand. We returned home that evening and sat on the upstairs deck by the pool to watch the sun set. It was one of the most miraculous sights a human eye could see. A clear sky, the Caribbean Sea, and the warm breeze of dusk greeted us joyfully as we began an intense philosophical conversation about energy, the notion of self, and death and dying. The sun set over our dialogue, and as the night sky deepened and became lit by thousands of twinkling stars, we stood to return downstairs and begin our Christmas dinner preparations. As we did, my friend pointed out the reports of people who’ve had near death experiences, and how many of them say they see a great white light when they die.
In that moment, a flash of light burst on the sky’s horizon and spread quickly over the entire ocean as it momentarily consumed my vision. Suddenly it felt as though time was stretching like a rubber band, and I saw myself walking down those steps in front of that ocean in the same exact way as I did then thousands and thousands of times before. When time and space snapped back to the present reality, every ounce of existential anxiety, dread, anger, distress, and utter despair dissolved from the deepest parts of my spirit, and I felt One with the Whole of Existence. I felt as though I finally and firmly understood the word of Jesus, the teachings of the Buddha, and the metaphors of all the great religions and spiritualities that I’d studied for so long. I found an immense peace and an unshakable faith, and it created a definitive point at which my life went from one thing to another.
From there, I began pursuing more knowledge and a deeper understanding. I read every holy text I could get my hands on, and devoured books on theoretical physics and scientific points of view on the theory of everything, otherwise known as the quantum theory of gravity. It has only deepened my understanding of Truth, of the Great Spirit, and has furthered my desire to give goodness and grace to this world that so desperately needs it. It’s been quite a journey. These experiences have significantly shaped how I see, understand, and act within reality, and because I have come to understand the Love of this Truth, the connection that everything has to everything else in the universe by and through it, I have come to understand the fundamental value of peace, prosperity, and freedom for all humankind.
It took a couple of years from the point of this experience to find the next step on my journey, but after leaving behind my aspirations in academia and turning to other possibilities, I realized that I could only live my life in a way aligned with what I knew and understood about the world if I lived it in service of others. To aid in the liberation of the souls of my fellow humans is the goal I seek but am unattached to, for I can only do my best in its pursuit and cannot directly control any outcome. To further the world toward that ultimate vision of heaven, built and characterized by a deepened understanding of God and connection to ourselves, each other, and the earth is the vision I have for my life, and it is my sincerest hope that my journey will lead me to means to fulfill these ends. I have an unspeakable passion for these things which I write about, and as I grow from here, I know that I am guided and protected. I will falter and fail, but I will also learn and try again. I know that if I have furthered someone along their own journey toward the the light of the Truth by the end of my time in this world, even if it’s just a nudge, my life will not have been lived in vain.
